How and Why do I Become an Adult?

     In her book "Why Grow Up?", philosopher Susan Neiman explores the challenges and rewards of maturing into adulthood in a culture that often values youthfulness and instant gratification over wisdom and responsibility. The chapter "Becoming an Adult" focuses on the importance of confronting one's mortality and taking responsibility for one's life choices. (Neiman, 107). Neiman argues that becoming an adult involves a shift in perspective from the present moment to the future, from self-indulgence to self-transcendence. She notes that "maturity is a matter of taking the long view, of recognizing that one's present is shaped by one's past and that one's future is determined by one's present" (Neiman, 108). 

        This shift in perspective and the change in ones own values requires a willingness to face one's own mortality, which can be a difficult and painful process. Neiman suggests that we can learn from the example of the ancient Greeks, who believed in the concept of memento mori, or the reminder of death, as a way of cultivating a sense of urgency and purpose in life. (Neiman,  109). In addition to confronting mortality, becoming an adult also involves taking responsibility for one's choices and actions. Neiman argues that "the most important lesson we learn as adults is that our choices have consequences" (Neiman, 112). This means recognizing that we are not passive victims of circumstance, but active agents who can shape our own lives and the world around us.

    However, Neiman acknowledges that taking responsibility for one's life can be a difficult task, especially in a world that often is chaotic and unjust. She suggests that one way to cope with this sense of overwhelm is to focus on small acts of kindness and generosity, which can help to build a sense of community and meaning in an otherwise chaotic world. (Neiman, 114)

"The Science of Kindness." Youtube, uploaded by Randomactsofkindness, 4 Nov. 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9UByLyOjBM.    

    Another aspect of becoming an adult is learning to accept one's own limitations and imperfections. Neiman notes that "maturity involves recognizing that perfection is unattainable, that we will inevitably make mistakes and disappoint ourselves and others" (Neiman, 117). However, she argues that this recognition can be liberating, as it allows us to let go of impossible standards and focus on doing the best we can in the present moment.

     Neiman also emphasizes the importance of creating your own sense of purpose and direction in life. She suggests that this involves finding a balance between personal aspirations and a sense of connection to something larger than oneself. (Neiman, 119).This sense of purpose and connection can be difficult to achieve in a culture that only values individual achievement over collective well-being. "Resigning means buying into a culture that equates growth with having more stuff". Neiman suggests that one way to counter this tendency is to engage in social and political activism, which can provide a sense of meaning and purpose while also working towards a more just and equitable society. (Neiman, 121). However, Neiman acknowledges that activism can also be challenging with little to no gratitude. She suggests that one way to stay motivated is to cultivate a sense of hope and optimism, even in the face of adversity. (Neiman, 123)

"Why We Need to Grow Up; Susan Neiman." Youtube, uploaded by The Institute of Art and Ideas, 6 Mar. 2020.    

Ultimately, Neiman argues that becoming an adult is a process of continual growth and transformation, rather than a fixed state of being