Learning to See in the Dark: Why Negative Emotions Might Be Necessary
On the surface, emotions like anxiety, sadness, or grief seem like problems, things we’re supposed to fix as quickly as possible. Whether it’s through distraction, productivity, or constant positivity, we’re often taught that feeling “bad” is something to avoid. But what if that assumption is wrong? What if negative emotions are not obstacles to a good life, but actually essential to it?
In Night Vision, philosopher Mariana Alessandri challenges the common belief that we should always strive to be happy. Instead, she argues that difficult emotions are meaningful and even necessary. They can help us better understand ourselves, our values, and the world around us. Her central idea, what she calls “night vision”, suggests that instead of avoiding emotional darkness, we should learn how to navigate it.
What Is “Night Vision”?
Alessandri uses the metaphor of adjusting to darkness. When you first enter a dark room, you can’t see anything. Your instinct is to turn on the light or leave. But if you stay long enough, your eyes adjust. Slowly, shapes and details begin to emerge.
She argues that our emotional lives work in a similar way. When we experience anxiety, grief, or sadness, our first instinct is to escape those feelings. But if we stay with them, if we resist the urge to immediately “fix” them, we begin to understand them. That understanding allows us to see things we otherwise wouldn’t.
This idea connects strongly to existentialist philosophy, especially thinkers like Søren Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzsche, and Simone de Beauvoir. Each of these philosophers, in different ways, believed that struggle and discomfort are not meaningless, they are central to what it means to live authentically.
Existentialism and the Value of Discomfort
In Sick Souls Healthy Minds, John Kaag explains William James’s idea that difficult emotional states can actually deepen our understanding of life. Kaag writes about how struggle is not something to eliminate, but something that can lead to transformation (SSHM, 134–141). This aligns closely with Alessandri’s argument.
For example, Kierkegaard famously connected anxiety to freedom. Anxiety, in his view, is not just fear, it is the realization that we have choices, and that those choices matter. Without anxiety, we wouldn’t fully grasp the weight of our own lives. You can explore Kierkegaard’s ideas further at the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (SEP)
Similarly, Nietzsche argued that suffering is necessary for growth. His idea that “what does not kill me makes me stronger” reflects the belief that struggle helps us develop strength and meaning. The SEP has a similar entry on Nietzsche.
De Beauvoir also emphasized that becoming who we are is an ongoing process shaped by challenges and limitations.
The Problem with Constant Positivity
One of the most compelling parts of Alessandri’s argument is her critique of modern culture, especially the pressure to always appear happy. Social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok often promote an unrealistic version of life where success, happiness, and emotional control are constant.
This creates what some philosophers and psychologists call “toxic positivity”, the idea that negative emotions should always be replaced with positive ones. But this mindset can actually prevent self-understanding. If we immediately suppress discomfort, we lose the opportunity to learn from it.
Alessandri’s “night vision” pushes back against this. Instead of asking, How do I stop feeling this?, she encourages us to ask, What is this feeling trying to tell me?
What Negative Emotions Can Teach Us
Alessandri’s theory becomes most powerful when applied to real life. Difficult emotions are not random, they often point to something meaningful.
Anxiety might signal that something matters to you.
Sadness might reflect loss or unmet needs.
Loneliness might reveal a desire for deeper connection.
Frustration might highlight values that are being ignored.
Instead of treating these emotions as problems, we can treat them as information. Research in psychology supports this idea. Emotions serve adaptive functions, they guide decision-making and highlight what matters most.
A Possible Criticism
Of course, not everyone would agree with Alessandri. A strong critic might argue that negative emotions can be overwhelming or even harmful. Conditions like depression or severe anxiety are not just philosophical tools, they can be debilitating and require treatment. This is a fair point. There is a difference between learning from emotions and being consumed by them.
However, Alessandri is not arguing that we should stay stuck in suffering or avoid seeking help. Instead, her point is that our first response should not always be avoidance. There is a middle ground between suppression and overwhelm, one where we acknowledge emotions, reflect on them, and learn from them.
In this way, her argument is less about glorifying suffering and more about changing how we respond to it.
My PerspectivePersonally, this idea has changed the way I think about my own emotions. Before learning about Night Vision, I often saw anxiety or stress as something to eliminate as quickly as possible. But now, I find myself pausing more often and asking why I feel a certain way.
For example, feeling anxious about school or the future no longer just feels like a problem, it feels like evidence that I care. That shift alone makes the emotion easier to understand and manage.
It also connects to ideas from Life is Hard by Kieran Setiya, where he argues that difficulty is an unavoidable part of life. Instead of trying to escape it, we have to learn how to live with it.
Conclusion
Mariana Alessandri’s Night Vision offers a powerful challenge to the way we usually think about emotions. Instead of treating anxiety, sadness, and grief as problems to eliminate, she encourages us to see them as tools for understanding.
Learning to “see in the dark” is not easy. It requires patience, honesty, and a willingness to sit with discomfort. But in doing so, we may gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and what truly matters.
In the end, a meaningful life may not be one without negative emotions, but one where we learn how to navigate them.
Discussion QuestionsDo you think negative emotions are something to be solved, or something to be understood? Why?
Can you think of a time when a difficult emotion actually taught you something important?
Is there a limit to this idea, when do negative emotions stop being helpful and start being harmful?
How does social media influence the way we think about emotions?
Mariana did an excellent Lyceum address for us here last year. And we'll be reading Night Vision in Existentialism in the Fall. Hope you can join us.
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