Amelie Oakes: Freedom and Life
Sick Souls Healthy Minds
(Ch. 2)
Part A: Rock Bottom
William James, a social recluse riddled with anxieties, found himself in and out of bouts of depression throughout his life. He says that to live as a melancholic, you must go through a rebirth, but "most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second." But James himself had been through many winds. In his introspection, Kaag asks, "Does the sick soul have to 'bottom out' so to speak?" (SSHM pg. 44) I agree with James that the truly agitated person goes through a rebirth to endure continued existence. To me, James's point embodies the same message as Socrates's old phrase: "An unexamined life is not worth living." Once the life has been reevaluated, it can be taken to the fullest. Kaag uses the heart-breaking example that many people who survive suicide attempt report feeling regret and even the realization that whatever their reason was could be fixed. James's birth was after finishing Renouviors' Essais' and came to the revelation of believing in free will. With the ironic and iconic statement, "My first act of free will shall be believed free will." And thus, his rebirth begun
I believe anyone can be helped if given the proper chance. (My friends call this my fundamental flaw.) However, this instance for James is one of the simplest examples of this; in relatively simple terms, his life was turned about by his belief in free will. However, it was probably more than one text by Renouvior that did the trick.
I have experienced what could be classified by James as a rebirth. I am one of many who have fallen into a depression and almost did not find their way out. I am one of the many suicide survivors, and I try my best not to let it define me or give me shame. My story did not end, and it is still lighter than most; the many months I spent as a sick soul and certainly an unhealthy mind is not the same mind or soul that live on now. I cannot tell if it was the moment of attempt or the moment I survived that catalyzed my future. Still, I experienced a feeling like John Muir as Kaag quotes, "my trembling muscles became firm again…my limbs moved with positiveness and precision with which I seemed to have nothing at all to do." (SSHM pg. 46) whether it is some primal fire to survive, some chemical endurance, or divine interference it seems like unanimously near-death experiences feel this drive. Humans are biologically built to live, and every bundle of cells in your body works to keep you here. We are propelled by purpose, and after James declared his free will, he returned to his work. I think James is by far the most relatable philosopher we have studied. Right before another episode of depression, he said, "This cannot possibly be real. This can't be the end of the creeping disease that's dogged me for years. It won't last. Surely, this freedom and joy are, at best, a fluke. At worst, it is a sure sign that things have gotten worse—that I'm completely delusional." Haven't we all felt this? It must be a universal experience; it is a cliché: "It's too good to be true." A life can be so excruciating and full of suffering that the same life, when filled for once with beauty, conviction, and privilege, is surely not the same. I am not an idealist or solipsist. I think George Berkley is a fool (the philosopher who said everything is a perception of the mind) but still, this new world that I occupy is so contrast to the one I used to live in that I too think I might be “Completely delusional.” Sometimes, I find myself on the edge of disbelief but again, I think Berkley is a fool, and I'm aware enough now to know that people can change, and life will find a way. And I might be a sick soul, but I am a healthy mind.
"Just because you are born again doesn't mean that you don't occasionally feel like dying—again." (sshm pg. 51)
Part B: Alice & Free Will(iam James)
In this section, he finds himself enamored with Alice Gibbons, yet convinced he is unlovable, and he feels he has forced her hand. Before James had even met Alice, his brother met her and declared that she was James's future bride, so evidently, there was an external expectation for the two. While both had convictions regarding freedom, William James was focused on individual liberty and self-reliance, while Alice was concerned with freedom in American society.
In 1876, he wrote a letter professing his love for her; I've attached the best image I could find of the letter, which I believe resides in the Harvard University archive. The most evident line is "to state abruptly the whole matter: I am in love, und zwar with Yourself." James said he wanted to win her hand; as Kaag put it, he wanted to work for and win her love. But of course, poor, worried, and woeful James was concerned with free will yet again.
He wanted Alice to choose him entirely of her own accord and yet could not believe her reassurance. Due to his chronic illness and psychological state, he didn't believe he could be a good partner. "After James had won her hand, he attempted to convince Alice that he wasn't worth holding," which is quite tragic but also, once again, a very relatable moment for William James. In a quite different scenario from theirs --for it was not the 19th century and neither of us a troubled psychologist—I have been the James, and I've been the Alice. Being either one is annoying, but I empathize with Alice because as relatable as William James is, I would be quite frustrated with him.
A quite human and common fear is rejection. James must've been riddled with this fear, and yet he fought for it and did not fight against it. He wanted to win Alice's heart and yet wanted her to leave him. Although James believed himself to be unlovable, he successfully got engaged and married Alice. "Some sick souls never get to this point. We remain disengaged by choice, or chance, or constitutional necessity…maybe we simply cannot believe that someone else would be willing to fall in love with us." (Kaag pg. 58). Remaining disengaged by choice is one thing I am all too familiar with, and I think it could be caused by or lead to the anhedonia described at the beginning of the chapter. It is known as the inability to feel pleasure. Still, James describes it as follows: "Prolonged seasickness will in most persons produce a temporary condition of anhedonia. Every good, terrestrial or celestial, is imaged only to be turned from with disgust." Turning away from the 'celestial' is (to me) like disengaging. It is seeing the magnificent and yet refusing its acceptance and goodness. Amid seasickness, terrestrial beauty cannot pull you from your nausea. In despair, an opportunity (or person) cannot disperse your self-doubt.
William James and Alice Howe Gibbens were married, and their love flourished as poor pre-rebirth could not have imagined. Despite his psychological ailments, he became one of the most fundamental psychologists. Whether his fight with free will was successful, I think James would've made it out okay. (Not that I am an optimist) but imagine that his obsessive thoughts about free will had not impeded his engagement with Alice.
A silly comic about free will!
My thoughts on free will
Imagine you are gambling, and with an equal die, you roll a 3. Now, in a different scenario, you roll a rigged die, and it comes out a 3. Both times you get a 3, same outcome.
Or why did you get out of bed this morning? Did you choose to get up, or did someone compel you? Either way, you are right here. Both scenarios bring you to the same place.
Whether it was destined to happen or in your control doesn't change the outcome, so why does it matter?
The strings are moving whether I'm plucking them, or they’re pulled by a puppeteer. I am happy to be marionette or marionette-er as long as I continue living. My belief or disbelief in free will won change the decisions made or their outcomes.
Although I do not care for free will I do love Ted Talks,
Here is a Ted talk: “Is Free Will an Illusion? | Nick Jankovic”
He briefly describes looking at free will from different perspectives and then the implications on our lives.
Whether or not you believe that your choices are made by you try to use the outcome of choice to make the world a better place.
"a social recluse"-- He was a confused and directionless young man but he was surely not a social recluse, according to his biographers and as revealed in his early letters.
ReplyDelete"My belief or disbelief in free will won change the decisions made or their outcomes." --Maybe. But how can you be sure?