Loneliness

Gavin Cooley – H02 

 

An analysis of Chapter 2 from Life is Hard by Kieran Setiya 

 

The Human Condition 

Kieran Setiya recognizes that all people are subject to what he calls the "human condition." This condition is one of sickness, loneliness, and grief. This condition cannot be cured, it is simply part of human nature. That being said, we should not simply turn our lives over to the cruel natures of the world. Instead, Setiya proposes, we should turn our gaze towards philosophy, which can help us cope with the negative effects of the human condition.  

In Chapter 2 Setiya address a specific aspect of the human condition -  lonliness. He begins with establishing a definition for loneliness, which he defines as a social disconnection. He goes on to mention how some are more prone to loneliness than others, as well as the fact that there are different types of loneliness. While people may experience loneliness differently or for differernt periods of time, the bottom line is that almost everyone will have to go through loneliness at some point in their lives.  

Setiya goes on to describe his own experiences with loneliness and the human condition. During the Covid-19 pandemic, Setiya says that he was fortunate enough to be in lockdown with his family, where they managed to keep eachother company. Still, Setiya recalls, he struggled with the limitations on interacting with the outside world. To combat these limitations, Setiya started a podcast where he would interview people virtually and get to know them, in some instances even becoming friends with person he was interviewing. The best way to combat loneliness, as Setiya would agree, is to find strength in friendships.  

The Pains of Loneliness 

Loneliness hurts us both physically and mentally. Physically, the form of social rejection loneliness brings upon us activates the same area of the brain as physical pain. Mentally, the lack of recognition of one’s value can tear way at a person’s mental state. As David Hume said, “A perfect solitude is perhaps the greatest punishment we can suffer” (A Treatise of Human Nature, 1739). It is important to recognize that as human beings, especially in a social setting, we are inclined to desire some type of personal value. People want to feel important, and if they cannot feel important to others, then it is impossible for them to feel important to themselves.  

This is where the role of friendship comes into play in combating loneliness. By connecting with friends, humans establish a moral, emotional connection of respect and/or love. Human beings need this connection. As Setiya points out, “to be friendless is to feel oneself shrinking, disappearing from the human world” (LIH, 57). Humans require some form of value/importance, otherwise existance feels meaningless. Without friendships/relationships, it is impossible to recognize one’s existance in the world, and thus the pains of loneliness begin to take effect as we lose touch with society. Human beings are social animals; we need others so that we may support one other both physically and psychologically. In response to Descartes’s famous saying “I think therefore I am,” Setiya argues that there is no “I” without a “you” to recognize one’s own existence and experiences as a human.  

A Recurring Cycle  

It is diffuclt to escape loneliness once a person has been absorbed into it. It is an exponential cycle in that the longer we experience loneliness, the more afraid, negative, and self-critical we become. Trust and self-confidence are fractured and continue to deteriorate further as loneliness goes on. While some can try to take all seemingly necessary measures to avoid loneliness, the assurence of the human condition means that loneliness will inevetably strike at some point.  

 

    There is perhpas no better painting that captures the modern essence of loneliness more perfectly than Edward Hooper’s 1942 Nighthawks. The painting showases a group of people in a diner at night. The four figures in the painting include a couple conversing with a waiter while a single man sits to the side by himself. In the background, there are no visible lights or any other signs to indicate the presense of other life. Alone in the center of the frame, the man is left to wrestle with the confines of his own solitude. As the painting demonstrates, it is easy to get trapped in the perpetual loneliness of life. There are other people present that the unaccompanied man could converse with, but he makes the active decision to distance himself instead. Trapped in his own loneliness, the man becomes in a sense some form of social recluse separate from the rest of the humanity. Setiya points out that such behavior is detrimential to our wellbeing, affirming that “we cannot fully exist as self-conscious beings except in relation to other people” (LIH, 42).  

Combating Loneliness in Our Own Lives 

Setiya discusses how friendships, or even just communication with others, can help us overcome loneliness. We must begin by taking the first steps away from the cycle of loneliness by reaching out beyond what may seem comfortable. Making small talk with a stranger, attending a social event, or even just saying hello to someone are all great ways to reach out to the rest of the world. Setiya confirms that “to overcome one’s loneliness is to open oneself to others” (LIH, 63). This may seem like a hard task at first. But, as loneliness is a reccuring cycle, so is companionship. The more practice you have in engaging with others, the easier it becomes. Over time, one will find the feeling of loneliness fading away as you find companionship and value in the presence of others. By doing so, you are meeting others needs of value whilst also meeting your own. At our core, we are social animals. Next time the opportunity presents itself, talk with a stranger at the grocery store or meet up with a few friends at the Student Union for some food and a few games. It is almost guranenteed that you will leave feeling a lot less stressed or isolated.  

1.  

   Here Are a Few Discussion Questions 

   1. Do you beleive in the idea of the “human condition?”  

   
   

2. 2. Would you agree that friendship is crucial for preventing loneliness?  

 

3. 3. How do you deal with loneliness in your own life?