The textbook definition of failure is, “A lack of success in doing or achieving something, especially in relation to a particular activity.” Failure is used to describe an action, not a person. So why do people consider themselves failures? When asked, most everyone agrees that they’ve viewed themselves as failures at least once in their life. So, why? What does it mean to be a failure of a person? Not to fail, but to call yourself a failure?
In my opinion, to call yourself a failure is to reduce your identity to successes perceived by others, and expectations implemented by society. Is it not a success to be alive? To even have a goal? I would say the act of pursuing a goal is more successful than achieving that goal. You can’t be broken down into just the pieces of you that others see as successful, because success is relative. In chapter 4, Setiya discusses sports failures a lot, expanding on how some people make one mistake and are forced to live out the rest of their lives being reduced to it. You miss a catch, or a touchdown, and you lose the Superbowl. From that point forward, people know you through that one mistake you made. (Especially with the rise of social media, where "fail" videos are posted left and right, for example...) Superbowl Fails
In relation to this, Setiya states, “No one's life can be reduced to one event, one enterprise, or one ambition. Each is made up of facts and facts and facts.” And I can’t agree more. With this, he’s explaining that your identity and your life are more than just what you achieve. Everything is more complicated than just “Win” and Lose.” And even what you achieve isn’t always completely in your control. In my opinion, people don’t think about the fact failure is relative (For example, a person losing the SuperBowl is still less of a “failure” than someone struggling to be placed on an NFL team). Not that you have to be grateful for failing, but don’t torture yourself with the idea that your mistakes equate to your identity.
Us humans came up with the idea of “failure,” so we are at fault for any state of mind seeing things that way. The universe can throw unpredictable and uncontrollable circumstances at you that can cause your demise, such as a broken leg preventing you from playing sports or a family emergency keeping you from acting your best. We are never fully in control of the future. Anything can happen. The sooner people realize this, the sooner they can abandon the two-sided mindset of “Succeeding” and “Failing.”
He moves on to describe Groundhog Day, a movie where essentially the main character (Phil) is forced to live the same day again and again. At first it seems great, since he’s able to do whatever he wants (Here is a great clip displaying that-).
But in the end, he finds his life to be mundane and sad, the repetitiveness seeping into his mind. At the end he escapes the nothingness of the life he’s living to accept mortality. Setiya explains that this reflects the Buddhist mentality of achieving the nothingness of nirvana.
Setiya disagrees with the Buddhist mentality of letting everything go to achieve contentment. He believes soaking up the moment and feeling fulfilled in everything he has is more meaningful. A quote to describe someone who feels things fully is, “One less man gauged to success and failure; attuned not just to project but to process.” Not just to display and perform, but to feel. He believed that feeling things fully was a true success as a person.
The term failure as a term to describe people was actually created during the great depression, where people lived to work and worked to live. A person’s purpose was broken down into numbers and achievements, and in getting “further” in life. Work amounted to success; success amounted to work. And the tragic part was, many of the most “successful” people fell (and fall) into drugs or alcohol abuse. This is most likely because they have an internalized view of what success SHOULD be, and feel like they haven't done enough, and truly believe they are a failure. Imposter syndrome can be lethal.
With this in mind, as long as self-esteem is tied to the production of market value, some will feel that they are “Failures” and feel in debt for living. So, Setiya finishes by saying since we can't just be uncaring about how others perceive us, we can change how we view their opinions and let it affect us. We’re raised to care how others think; most all insecurities are grown from the idea of being perceived negatively by others. But through helping our own internal mindset, we’re taking care of ourselves better.
Overall the idea of being a “failure” of a person is the result of a social and economic structure failing us. This structure only harms the “losers,” so through overcoming it you can truly “win.” By throwing away the impossible ideal of having a successful life, you can start to focus on what really makes you happy.
Theres this notion that there can only be failure and success, and lack of one equates to the other, but the truth is that everyone exists in the in-between day to day. Every life contains both. Through knowing this, I think we can really feel fulfilled in our lives and understand each other (and ourselves) better.
Reflection Questions- What do you think it takes to be a “winner” or “loser” to others? Do you agree with the Buddhist mentality of letting everything go to achieve inner peace, or the mentality of soaking up everything you can while you're here?
While being a winner or loser can depend on the person who looks over what has happened, it is clear that there is an overall definition in todays society. Those that are winners get the most benefit out of a situation, or take the most personal reward from the situation. For this, they do not necessarily need to be perceived as the winner if it is a personal reward, but being seen as the winner also plays into what makes one a winner. On the other hand, being a loser is the opposite, they get the least benefit from the situation or they have the least personal reward and are seen as the one that come out on the bottom by others. Losers are those that people perceive to have less than those that are higher up, that are winners or just in the middle. Now, I do not particularly agree with the mindset of letting everything go. The other mindset is more appealing.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to add pictures and links to things in your post, like add one of the book cover, author or link to what certain words mean even to help qualify as a blogpost.
Edison didn't fail countless times to invent the lightbulb, he said, he discovered countless ways not to do it. People who try and fail and try again, until they've learned what they need to learn, are never "losers"... Those who are quick to call others losers are projecting their own deficiency.
ReplyDeleteLots of good link and embed material here. I'd put in the YouTube clip from Groundhog Day, myself, in which Phil explains that he's a god ("not THE god...")