What Is It Like to Be a Woman?

Mai Gibbons' Final Blog Post - H01

 Or rather... what does it mean to be a woman?

People have been discussing gender and how we express it for quite some time, but the conversation seems more complicated these days. Most of the world believes that sex and gender are the same- for example, that being a woman automatically means being biologically female. However, younger generations are aware that not everyone is comfortable identifying with their assigned sex at birth and choose to present themselves differently. Some choose to express themselves in ways that do not match traditional expectations. Some think that we have created too many labels and rely too much on identity politics, and gender has no meaning to them. As for me, I just put clothes on and go outside- gender is no big deal.

Of course, this has sparked debates. One big shift in how young Americans approach this topic is the growing separation between sex and gender. They tend to view gender as more of a construct, rather than a biological term. Our generation has become much more accepting of those that present differently than their sex. Because of this, the traditional definitions of "man" and "woman" do not always fit. If you look up the world "woman" in the dictionary, it states, "an adult female human being," but not everyone agrees with this. The dictionary does not consider transgender, nonbinary, or intersex people in this definition- they do not always fit into "man" or "woman". I am not encouraging us to change the definition, but it is worth noting that it may feel outdated to some.

In her essay "Who Counts as a Woman?", Carol Hay discusses how feminists that exclude transgender women from the feminist movement (often referred to as TERFs: trans-exclusionary radical feminists) reinforce the idea that there is a "correct" way to be female, when there is not. Hay states that excluding women that were not born female strengthens certain gender stereotypes that feminists claim to be critical. Hay points out that TERFs often assume transgender women had easy lives as men before transitioning. That assumption, she says, ignores the reality that many trans women have struggled with their gender identity for years and never felt truly comfortable living as men. Hay summarizes it like this:

    "When a cis woman complains that trans women haven't had the same experiences as 'real' female-born women, then, what she's really saying is, 'trans women haven't had the same experiences as        women like me'. If 30-plus years of intersectional feminism has taught us anything, it's that this is precisely the move that feminists need to stop making".

Hay's view on this subject reminds me of how important it is to see people as individuals. I sometimes fear that we have come to simplify gender to the point where we put people in boxes. We still have countless gender stereotypes despite our pursuit for gender equality. In our class discussion, some said that as children, they viewed femininity and "girly" things- like pink, dresses, glitter ink pens- as weaknesses. They thought that if they were to express femininity, they would associate themselves with derogatory statements such as, "you throw like a girl". Men deal with this, too: some added that they feel nervous doing something as simple as holding a door open for a woman because they might be called sexist. Why do we continue to label people as "man" and "woman" and act according to outdated stereotypes?

This ambiguity about gender identity makes me wonder why some are still treated differently because of their gender. This commercial by Always I watched a few years ago displays how gender stereotypes can disturb a girl's confidence before or during puberty. It challenges the idea that doing something "like a girl" is an insult. It shows that being a girl (or having feminine traits) has no hindrance on one's ability to do something well.

"What Does It Mean to Speak 'As a Woman'?" by Agnes Callard explores how gender could influence the way people converse with each other. She wonder what would happen if she were to begin a thought with, "as a woman...". She argues that this statement could change the whole dynamic of the conversation. The person she is conversing with already knows she is a woman, but her reiterating that fact might convince the other person to validate her information because she is a woman, rather than the legitimacy of what she is telling them.

Callard states that society empowers men to speak with authority while limiting that same authority to women, for no reason other than their gender. To her, men never have to preface a comment with, "as a man..." because they are already given conversational authority by being a man. She adds that such a comment in a conversation could turn it into an argument, because by reiterating that she is a woman, she is trying to make herself credible even though she was not asked to.

Her take is this: no matter your gender, your statements either make sense or they do not. You either adhere to the highest standards of logic or you do not. Your credibility in a conversation or argument should not come from your race, gender, age class, etc.

In all, we all have our own view of what a woman is. There is no right answer. Gender does not define a person. We are all human, and that is really it. What we need to do is see people for who they are beyond their gender (as well as race, ethnicity, appearance, etc.). The more we challenge labels and stereotypes, the closer we are to a society where everyone feels understood.

Note: If you'd like to learn more about beauty standards and its impact on girls and women, I highly recommend Beauty Sick by Renee Engeln. Heartbreaking and relatable.

Questions to consider:

In your own words, what is a woman?

    To me, a woman is anyone that simply identifies as a woman and is comfortable expressing gender stereotypes associated with women.

Do you think gender norms interfere with how gender issues are perceived and addressed? Why or why not?