Final Blog Post - K Stephens - Section 10

 I walk into my once familiar log cabin. There are more than several bags under my eyes and my arms droop at my sides like lead. Once again, I’ve gathered a few philosophers- though with only two is it really noteworthy? Before the room was elaborately decorated and immaculate. Gilded candelabras, and expensive wives doting the room. But now it is barren and cold. No one but these 3 are here now. The two I’ve gathered, Susan Neiman and John Kaag sit opposite from me and the door. I close it behind me and slump downwards, just barely awake. They stare, a mix of fear and pity on their faces. But mostly just pity. I begin to speak.

“You know. Maybe if it was the beginning of the semester I’d make a joke about Garfield or maybe reference back to the last kidnapping attempt. But! I’m tired. I’m on the end of another double all-nighter and still working.”

I lay down on my side.

“I need to finish this philosophy final preferably yesterday. I don’t have the time to devote to this when I have an animation final that demands I finish it to even have a chance of passing the class.”

Kaag sits forward a bit, somewhat curious. Neiman side eyes me slightly, but seems equally interested in the prospect. 

‘Alright. What’s the question?’ says Kaag. 

“Number 1. What does it mean to grow up. My personal opinions are that to grow up means to make peace with the world. Not in a defeatist sense, but rather to take an active role in knowing who you are and who others are. It’s a process of walking into yourself. Also, improving your own morals and understanding/appreciating others differences.”

Kaag nods.

‘In the end I don’t find that too different from my ideas. It’s just a process of learning to accept the natural laws of this world. “As one becomes an adult, it is best to come to terms with gray hair, disease, and death. It’s going to happen anyway.” 

Neiman states, 

I don't disagree with the ideas behind what you're saying, but I think you’re not really digging deep enough. “Philosophy, I’ve said, is inherently normative. Good philosophy recognizes this, while keeping a  lookout for all it can learn from descriptions that will inevitably disappoint.” Again, you’re not wrong, but think a little more- does ‘becoming yourself’ really mean anything? A child can define a sense of self, though I think your on the right track if you focus more on that moral development. 

I shrug. 

“Alright, question 2. Just why should we grow up? I mean it’s hard to say cause you developing as a person definitely does not correspond to any reward you may receive in real life. You may gain from doing the exact opposite. But I think there is a personal motivation in it. The focus on growing as a person gives you a reason to exist, it can be your guiding light that can keep you going when you’ve reached the end of your rope. The idea that you are still actively trying to improve as a person can do a lot for your own self worth.” 

‘Indeed. As William James said, “Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.” 

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The two continue to speak, but I can feel my focus leave me. Before I even really understand what’s happening I’m asleep. In a void. The realization sends me reeling. All the work I’ve done won't be enough If I don’t even have the chance the turn it in. Oh well. Might as well think about the final question while I have a second to think. 

“What makes life worth living?”

I pause and try to think about the advice I’ve gotten, but I blank. Then a voice separate from my own breaks the silence. They materialize in my gaze. It’s my character for my 3d animation class, fully realized. 

“I mean back to a previous version of what you wrote here. Think back to your animation class. It moved you to tears. Before you had really understood what animation took, before you really knew the people there, you cried. You had never really known what passion was before. I think that experience really truly embodies what your thoughts are. The act of becoming yourself, and growing up is something beautiful and worth experiencing, even with just a passing curiosity. Even now, after being on the verge of failing this class for months, after all the difficulties encompassing my creation, after how many people you saw leave the major- you pushed on. For the passion that sparked at the beginning of the major and for the slow ember of that same passion that’s still there. I don’t know. Hopefully, this gives you a clear enough answer in time. 

(Picture is of my rigging character in a default T-pose, before being textured.) 

Before I’m given the chance to respond I wake. My phone alarm buzzing in my ear. I shut it off and slid upright. The other two are long gone by now, the door open in their wake. A cold chill blows through, snow flurries gliding in through the room. I look at my phone and I email my animation professor for an extension.