LH 2: Loneliness

 Joshua Swartz

Dr. Phil Oliver

PHIL-1030-011

December 9, 2023

 Loneliness

   In Chapter 2 of Kieran Setiya's "Life is Hard", he examines loneliness from multiple philosophical perspectives.  I found this chapter to be extremely relatable. I really enjoyed how Setiya observed his own state of loneliness throughout his life, as well as acknowledging what an epidemic loneliness has increasingly become in our society throughout history. Even as recent as the Covid 19 pandemic, where Setiya mentions he felt the need to take action against his own loneliness and start a podcast where he interviews other philosophers. I think the pandemic unfortunately shine a light on how lonely we all really have become as a society. The pandemic forced us in quarantine and isolation. As the chapter also boldly declares, we will not see the true toll the lockdowns have played on us until many years to come. 

    I also believe that technology and social media has attributed to our loneliness as a society. I believe we have become accustomed to interacting with one another through text and through the internet that we come to value the dopamine hit we recieve when we hear that notification bell more than we value the person we are receiving it from. In today's world, "ghosting" has become a popular practice. Where we choose to ignore one another, even if the other person knows we have read the message. I think this kind of behavior shows how we have come to value the initial dopamine response of receiving a message to where we then become the judge of whether or not the person sending us that message is worthy of OUR attention. This behavior can be detrimental to a society it. "Ghosting" one another will often leave the person who is ghosted feeling neglected. As Setiya mentions in this chapter, the person who is lonely is usually lonely because they feel some type of neglection from society. They lonely will always look at where they are lacking first. So if they are ghosted, they immediately think it is because something is wrong with them. This in turn, can cause the person to become even more isolated and follow the vicious cycle of loneliness that Setiya so elegantly explains in depth throughout this chapter. 

     Technology, in many ways has arguably made a much more selfish society. We all worship ourselves while trying to impress one another and gather attention through social media, etc. I think Setiya is right in that we must value friendship. We must genuinely care for one another. I also agree with his strategy in how to combat and overcome loneliness. We must stop looking within and looking at what we lack or what we. need in order to be fulfilled. Instead, we must become that for others. We must project the love and kindness that we may be missing in our own lives, on to other people, even if they are strangers. Knowing we've made a positive difference in someone's day by offering a simple compliment can go a long way in helping us to see the light at the end of the tunnel in our own battle with loneliness. It can help us to reinforce a positive outlook in our own lives and can help us to lift our mood and energy levels. It helps to get us out of our own heads which I am often convinced social media is hell bent on doing the opposite. 

      I also really enjoyed how Setiya elaborated on the origin of the word loneliness, and how before 1800 it was mainly known as "oneliness" The word oneliness had no emotional connotation and merely meant the state of being alone or solitude. I also liked how early on in the chapter, Setiya is sure to declare that there is a clear distinction between being alone and being lonely. He mentions how you can be alone, and not be lonely. While you can be in a relationship, or surrounded by many people, yet feel lonely. He makes great points about how a surefire path to loneliness, is having no friends. I agree with his sentiment that friends are how we understand our worth and value in the world. Without friends, we fail to realize our true value or worth and our own unqiueness that we offer to the world. We instead become critical and judgemental of ourselves, often blaming ourselves for our shortcomings and blaming those shortcomings as the justification for why we lack friends and relationships in our lives. Setiya mentions how important it is to not just have friends but to also be present in that friendship. I enjoyed his contrasting view on friendship to Aristotle's where he uses the exmaple of visiting a friend in the hospital not merely because they are just friends, but because we genuinely care for a friend. Or if a friend is succumbed by addiction or goes a path we dare not follow, we do not hate that friend, yet we still care for them and their redemption. 

    As and English major, I also enjoyed how Setiya highlighted the idea that loneliness has taken in the shape of poetry specifically in the Romantic period through the word of William Wordsworth and many who followed him. I do think that solitude and being alone has it's benefits. But I believe if we focus too much on our inward eye we border on self obsession and meglomania. We must take time for ourselves at times but we must also always return to the world and always place our relationships and interactions with other humans high on our list of what we prioritize and value. We are only here for a short time and I believe we will only find peace in the lives we live if we invest time in one another rather than being alone and trying to find the answers to fulfillment ourselves.