Enlightened Parent, Enlightened Child

Enlightened Parent, Enlightened Child: Raising a Child Through My Eyes

By Natalia Jiron

    Susan Neiman’s, Why Grow Up? Subversive Thoughts for an Infantile Age, inspired the topic for my final report. Even though, I am not a parent myself, I have always been curious as to how I would raise my own children. Would I adapt the same parenting styles as my parents? Or would I try to develop or research my own parenting styles? Through this class, I have developed a better understanding of what it means to be enlightened. Although I believe that my parents raised me well (I would like to think), I have realized that I do not desire to be close minded and want to be open to other ways of raising my children. “Growing up is a process of sifting through your parents’ choices about everything”. What did my research entail? 

    When conducting research on how to become an enlightened parent, multiple websites, information, and resources immediately show up. The resources are endless and range from Ted Talks to even books. First, it is important to understand what it means to be enlightened in order to become an enlightened parent and raise an enlightened child. 

    Further, according to Dr. Shefali Tsabary (in her Ted Talk), she states how parenthood should be at the forefront of our minds. It is considered as the calling of how our children will thrive. It affects multiple aspects of their lives such as how they take care of themselves, each other, show compassion, tolerate differences, handle their emotions, create, invent, and innovate. She states the following that resonated with me, “We cannot expect our children to embody an enlightened consciousness if we parents have not dared to model this ourselves”. My journey to becoming an enlightened parent starts with me. What change do I desire to implement in my child’s life and for their future? 

Children are now facing many issues. Statistics show the following: 

• 1 in 5 children have signs of a mental health disorder.

• In 2010, there were 662,000 children in foster care.

• A study conducted by UNICEF found that American children ranked as the second unhappiest. 

Based on these facts, there is something that is clearly missing. Many are quick to blame other outside factors such as education, yet the greatest power that we hold is the relationship that we develop/create with our children. 

The picture above shows the difference between two 3 year olds. It shows the quality in the relationship each has developed with their mother. The one on the right went through abuse and neglect, and the one on the left endured a thriving relationship. The one allocated on the right is at a higher risk to go through drugs, crime, and develop lower empathy. 

According to Ellen Gottlieb, an enlightened parent seeks the following: 

• Seeks greater connection

• Surrenders control

• Accepts child “as-is”

• Strives to avoid criticism and judgement

• Teaches, guides, and gently shapes behavior

• Creates a safe environment for self-expression and authenticity

The following quote from Susan Stiffelman stood out to me: 

“We lost sight that we’re not raising children, we’re raising adults. Empower them to cope with ups and downs. Help them know and trust themselves by not legislating their opinions and by allowing them to experiment”. 

Questions to Reflect On

1. For those who are parents, did you develop your parents’ parenting style, research different parenting styles, develop through trial and error, or develop a mixture of those mentioned above? 

2. For those who are not parents, would you desire to raise an enlightened child or even become an enlightened parent? 

3. For those who are not parents, what type of process would you develop to become an enlightened parent? For example, would you attend classes, read books, watch Ted Talks, develop after your parents or other? 

4. How does Susan Stiffelman's quote impact you? Do you desire to truly raise an adult rather than a child? 

5. Do you believe that an enlightened parent leads to an enlightened child?