First, I would like to introduce Alessandri. She is an associate professor of philosophy at the University of Texas Rio Grande Valley, with a specialization in theology, religion, and ethics. She is also the co-founder of Parents United for Excellent Dual Education (PUEDE), has published philosophical work in the New York Times and others, and published Night Vision: Seeing Ourselves through Dark Moods in May 2023.
Throughout her book, she expresses the "Light Metaphor": “bright is preferable to dim, sunshine happier than clouds, and light moods superior to dark moods" (Alessandri). She expresses that instead of seeing Light as good and Dark as bad, we need to learn to see into the dark. To know the dark, go into the dark. She inserts a quote by Wendell Berry:
“To go in the dark with a light is to know the light. To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight, and find that the dark, too, blooms and sings, and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings.”
There are five chapters from Night Vision, but I will be focusing on "Recoloring Depression". This chapter focuses on seeing depression as more than just a medical model.
Mariana begins the chapter by asking her class how many of them are left-handed. Out of 40 students, 3-4 of them raise their hands. She then asks them, “What’s it like living in a world made for right-handed people?” One student replies she has learned to “live with it” as Mariana describes how uncomfortable the student is sitting in a “right-handed” desk trying to write her notes. “Left-handed” people were a metaphor for “emotional lefties,” which refers to those living with chronic, clinical, and mild depression in the Light Metaphor world. In religion, depression is seen as a sin of turning away from God. In positive thinking and consumerism, depression is seen as a weakness, laziness, and failure. Those who suffer from depression have a history of not being taken seriously, but not in the light of science. Science says depression looks real, cruel, and debilitating. Mariana asks if there are other ways to see and talk about depression? She uses Gloria Anzaldúa to help answer this question.
Gloria Anzaldúa suffered from what we would diagnose today as clinical depression. She grew up in a world where it was said to “think positively”, which was telling her to live in a world that didn’t fit for her. She grew up with multiple physical illnesses, ultimately saying, “Pain was a way of life, my normal way of life.” The weight of these illnesses brought her down, especially when she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Others misread her depression and sickness as her being lazy and “too famous to attend academic conferences.” After taking a year off for herself, she wrote a poem titled “Healing Wounds”.
I have been ripped wide open
By a word, a look, a gesture-
From self, kin, and stranger.
My soul jumps out
Scurries into hiding
I hobble here and there
Seeking solace
Trying to coax it back home
But the me that’s home
Has become an alien without it.
Wailing, I pull my hair
Suck snot back and swallow it
Place both hands over the wound
But after all these years
It still bleeds.
Gloria didn’t describe her depression as a disease or disorder but used her own term for it. She published Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza as a theoretical space for people to “live together and transform the planet. El mundo zurdo is now also a place for LGBTQIA+ individuals who have been kicked out of homophobic homes. Dark moods aren’t just internal states but are also embedded in social structures. Gloria calls to us to recognize and transform those social structures into something to provide a more positive and helpful way to understand our darker moods.
Here is a video to learn more about Gloria and her Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza:
Gloria uses the Aztec goddess Coatlicue to describe her depressive episodes as being in the goddess’s “stony arms”. This metaphor helps us view depression as a symbolic state of being alive, sensitive, and in contact with our deeper selves. By seeing it as a spiritual journey, she labeled one of the stages as “conocimiento”, translating to “knowledge”. By letting ourselves experience the darkness, we can gather insight about ourselves and how we can overcome it in the future.
Going back to today’s interpretations of depression, Alessandri asks an important question: “Are there more helpful ways to talk about dark moods than medicalizing them?” The answer is yes. Alessandri expresses that the current terms we use for depression – illness, weakness, brokenness – increase shame. By changing, or “recoloring”, the language used to describe our dark moods, we can better understand our feelings and find a more human way of relating to depression.
Depression is a horrible illness. Personally, it has destroyed some aspects of my life. I believe that if we try to understand our dark moods, we can discover qualities of ourselves that are truly valuable and not symptoms to eliminate. To be clear, Alessandri does not reject psychiatric treatment or therapy but focuses on our perception and shifting how we talk about depression.
So, turn off your flashlight and run into walls in the dark. It's going to be terrifying, unfamiliar, and you'll be scared that you might never find your way out. But you will. I have learned many things about myself during the lowest lows of my life. These dark moods are part of you, and embracing them allows you to figure out who you are.
If you or someone you know is struggling, there are resources that can help. You are NOT alone. I'll attach some links below.
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